I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
