You work out of a Hotel?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
