I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
