OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
