Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
