Banned from zoo.
Again?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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