I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
