you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
