You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
