Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
