I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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