All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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