kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
