Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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