i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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