A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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