Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
