I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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