remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
