Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
