somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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