i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize