i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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