girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
