The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.