I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
