My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex