one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from