i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police