I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster