Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
