Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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