Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
