I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
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She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
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I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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