I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
