Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
