Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
