How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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