You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
