Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
