Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
