Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
