Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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