I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
