How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
