I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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