um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you win again, gameday.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
