that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
