You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
