If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
so much tequila, so little girl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
