You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
