In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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