debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
