i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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