The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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