We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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