So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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