what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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