I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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