That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
