You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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