having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
