i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
