People in love make me want to vomit
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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