I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
