Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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