Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
