"it" just moved
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
