yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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