There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
