I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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