So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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