I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
