Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
