So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
