i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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