He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's always time for handjobs
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
