so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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