So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
MIDGETS
????
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
