There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
