he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
