How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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