I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
