she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
