I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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